It´s gonna be me and you together on this journey. I know you never wanted to share time, love and compassion with me. I know you were scared and disgusted by me. I never understood your anger though. I have been the best version I could be. Tried to give you a home, a space and the option to explore this world. I am sorry for hurting you. I tried my best to make you not suffer. You have been so young and in pain so much. All of that was my way of protecting you. The world is rough and you were so sensitive. Using me as your speaker was smart but you didn´t know about this value. There were times when you did not care about me. It was quiet. But all of the sudden you tortured me. There has never been someone so rude, brutal and careless to me. I swallowed your hate. I thought it is a phase. But it was not. It was a whole chapter of our story. The longest in your life and also the longest in my life. I didn´t leave you. I had no choice. But we lost the connection to each other. No communication, no feelings – you didn´t care. There were times where you seemed to care but actually it was just about your ego, the opinion of others and judging. You spent a lot of energy to be in this weird contact with me. I tried to interact with you as much as I could. Sometimes I failed, you expected a lot…
As soon as I didn´t work as you wanted, it´s been such a hard time for me. But I also felt sorry for your. It´s not been just me who suffered… I felt your thoughts, anxieties, panics and hard feelings on yourself.
Actually I don´t know when exactly our relationship has changed. It´s been a slow process. Really slow. We are still struggeling every now and then but we became supportive. I try to understand you more and same for you. You improved a lot. I have never been angry with you- just exhausted or numb. But I appreciate the love you show. I feel so much more connected with you. Please don´t get irritated by the outside world. There are so many pictures, so much to compare to. But this is not what you need to do. Close your eyes and ease into me. I am here. I give you all the shelter you need. I always did and I always will – until your soul wants to move on. But please talk to me in love. Care for me as I do for you. Together we will be nourished and happy. I love you so much.